How many times do we condemn or agree before hearing the other side of a story? How many times do we stand accused of not listening carefully? How many times do we misinterpret or misunderstand a gesture, a word, an intention? Why do we assume that we know so much about other people’s lives even though we clearly do not? And, even if we did, why do we think we know what’s best when it comes to how others should live their lives?

Through our cumulative experiences in life, the figurative spectacles through which we see the world become tainted. We, unlike small children, lose the ability to see all things as they are. Instead, we see things through our tainted lenses and think we know best.

I recently wrote about how I feel judged by others in my role as a correctional psychiatrist. Maybe I just think that being judged is a negative when in fact it’s a positive. It’s a constant reminder to me of how I do not like to be stereotyped or judged. Consequently I am less likely to judge others.

Like most other mortals, I slide back to being judgmental at times. I really don’t intend to do so. In fact, I really want to be completely nonjudgmental. It’s frustrating to keep trying to be a better person yet inevitably falling down.

That’s one interesting twist about practicing medicine in prisons. I have the opportunity to work with people who have behaved very badly. Some of my patients have committed the worst possible crimes against their fellow humans.

What I’m not proud of is that when I see the news stories just after these criminals are caught, I sometimes have the same visceral reactions about them that many other people do. I’m outraged, indignant, angry. How dare these bastards do such things to other people! In the moment, I really want them to pay for what they did!

Some would say that it is healthy or “realistic” to have such a reaction. While I agree that it would be unhealthy to be indifferent to violent crimes, there is a definite difference between, on the one hand, disapproving of the actions of criminals and wanting to see them brought to justice, and, on the other hand, allowing the fact that others have committed crimes to result in one exuding hatred toward others. Fighting hatred with hatred never works. As Gandhi said, “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”

A selfish benefit of the work I do is that I am presented with endless opportunities to judge others. If I gave in to this temptation, I would not be able to provide good psychiatric care. I am therefore nearly forced to be nonjudgmental. I like being in this situation. It is like having a personal growth program built in to my weekly schedule!

I have worked hard at this, though, and once I am meeting one-on-one with a patient, (nearly) all judgment is gone. I focus on what I am there to do, and I see the patient as another human being in need of assistance. I am far from doing it perfectly, but regardless of the person’s past, I treat him respectfully and try to see him as he is in the present moment.

Ironically, by writing this post on being nonjudgmental, others will judge me. Without knowing me, they will jump to conclusions. I will let them. My ultimate goal is not to be better than anyone else but to be better than I used to be. I have a long way to go, but I don’t plan to give up. Judging another says nothing about the person being judged. It simply says that the one doing the judging has a need to judge others.

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