This is a more personal post than most for me, but it seems right during the holiday season. I’ve written before about the field of correctional psychiatry. In that particular post, I mentioned some of the appealing factors of working as a correctional psychiatrist. I realize that some people find it difficult to believe that there are intrinsic rewards to working with inmates. If there weren’t, though,  none of us would do what we do. There is no doubt that there are also many challenges. Many inmates, for various reasons, test even the most seasoned clinicians’ patience.

However, one does not need to be a health care professional in corrections to work with difficult people. In fact, one does not have to be working at all. Everyone must deal with rude, aggressive, demanding, or irrational people to varying degrees in different life situations.

I do believe, though, that it is always extra challenging to do this effectively in a work environment because the professional or employee must maintain a calm and respectful demeanor regardless of the other person’s behavior.

There have been many days in corrections (fortunately not most days) when I have wondered why I choose to work in a negative environment with so many challenging personalities. I’ll share a very personal approach that has not only helped me work more effectively with challenging people but also has helped to reduce my stress level and risk of burnout.

The secret is actually very simple: I don’t take anything personally.

There is more to it, though. The paradigm from which I do this is the real key. This was not something that came naturally to me. It has taken a few years for me to learn to do it more effectively, and I always have room for further improvement.

The secret to this for me came from a prayer attributed to Mother Teresa. I first saw this about 10 years ago. I don’t think of myself as particularly religious, and I believe that even an atheist can benefit from its message.

Here it is, “Do It Anyway,”  from Prayer Foundation:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.

-this version is credited to Mother Teresa

For what I am referring to in this post, the last line is the key. Just remember that it is never between you and them. You can think about it being between you and God, you and the universe, your own karma, or whatever works for you. The point is to think of what you are doing in a context greater than yourself and remember that in the end, “It was never between you and them anyway.”

Photo Credit: sinosplice via Flickr